Wonder W.T.F. Woman

My mother has always told me, It's better to be asked up than to be asked down.

Now, I know I have been hard on Bey, but this is the last thing I'm gonna say about her. I promise (well, at least until she or "her camp" makes another ridiculous statement).

The next Wonder Woman?...I'm really fighting the urge to say, 'B**** please!' as I make the infamous boo-boo face.

Bey, I remember when you said your goal was to be the first African-American woman with a Tony, Grammy, and an Oscar and I truly admire your ambition but you're being a little audacious with this one. Calm down, honey. You're going to get your shine. You do realize you are not the only black female in Hollywood, right? Keep pushing your luck and you just might find yourself booted!

...But regardless of whether or not you get to strap on your Wonder Woman boots, Joe Camel Toe Z will always love you!

Sasha's Not So Fierce (Sorry, Bey)

Okay. I tried. I really tried!! I went to the store with every intention of purchasing the CD (I Am...Sasha Fierce). But after sampling the songs, I did not find it to be worth its price of twenty dollars (Wtcrap?!). I was very eager to discover Sasha's ferocity but I was just not impressed. I talk like this 'cause I can back it up....I got a big ego?....Maybe. Maybe not. Although I do admit to liking the songs, Ego & Hello, most of the record's content is empty.

Maybe I'm just sick of her tom foolery but there's something lacking. I think it's called authenticity. I can't help feeling like I've seen this somewhere before. Maybe if we go back far enough into the history of music and performance we'll find the template from which she "creates" these ideas. I don't mean to be hard on her because she is talented and all but she's far from original and maybe this is the reason for my frustration.

It all seems so calculated. I wonder what she does when she thinks no one's looking. Does she ever drop her guard. We've been fed this image of R & B/Pop Queen Bey. Now all of a sudden this Sasha character emerges? I realize that time changes things and people grow but there seems to be no connection between the two and that bothers me.

Who is Beyonce'? Does she just give the people what they want, collect the checks, and go home? Does she really expect us to digest this "alter-ego?" Maybe I'm just a cynical skeptic but I'm having a hard time swallowing this.

She says she wants to go from pop artist to icon but neither of these things can be forced. If you are meant to be an icon, you will be. Don't over analyze everything. I almost feel insulted. Her camp puts out these statements as if we (the general public) are supposed to be so foolish as to take them at face value. There is a underlying motive. I'm so very over the subliminal messages. My eyes and ears are open.

I know I must sound like the world's most paranoid conspiracy theorist but these are just my thoughts. They are not law. And as I wrap this up, I'd like to apologize to all the fans that are steaming mad at me right now. (Sorry!) I just had to get it out!

Zzz....Wake Me When It's Over

I'm a little bored with the men in my life right now. Although sweet, caring, and somewhat funny they are (one in particular), I catch myself dozing off and drifting away during conversation. I'm not sure if it's a regional thing or a race thing even but I need an Obama (meaning Change, not the actual person) ASAP!!!

He calls just to say good morning and once more to hear my voice before he goes to bed. But I wonder where his passion lies. He's so calm and collected, it can be annoying! I find myself provoking him just for reaction! (Silly, I know.) I suppose I have enough zeal for the both of us but it would be nice to get a rise out of him every now and then (and not the kind that makes his pants tighter)!

I met his mother and I meet the grandparents tomorrow. I don't quite know where this comes from. We're not committed and we've never even kissed but at this rate, I will have explored the whole tree before the end of the week! I understand being close to the family but geez louise!! Can you say, "pressure?"

C.R.U.S.H.

He's not quite as tall as I like them but stands above me in heels so, he passes--barely. He has dark brown skin to which chocolate doesn't even compare and shoulders broader than the heaven's scope....

"Sasha Fierce??"

Alright, let me start by saying that I do not mean for this entry to condemn or take away anything from anyone. I think these frustrations have been brought about by the constant presence of Beyonce (and her alter ego, "Sasha Fierce"). They seem to be everywhere I turn. Although she is a beautiful and talented woman, I am growing a little weary and I sometimes can't help noticing hypocritical tendencies. Quite frankly, I think the creation of this alter ego is a bunch of...It is possibly only a feeble attempt to camoflouge the not-so picture perfect truth that is Beyonce, the human being. Just in case, some of us forgot, she sleeps, eats, and (excuse my "French") shits, too. "Sasha" may be who Beyonce really longs to be but because she has dedicated her whole life and career to building such a "wholesome" image, she cannot fully claim Sasha's actions as her own. (Even her sister has stated that she always plays is safe.) If you liked it, then you should've put a ring on it. Don't be mad once you see that he want it. The song sends a warning to cowardous men and an empowering message to women but the video, on the other hand? Here lies the contradiction. Although the choreography is incredibly entertaining, I wasn't too spellbound to notice Sasha's crotch in my face. Thank goodness for the fabric covering her glory! I know I must seem like the poster child for judgment right now but these are just my observations. (It's my blog and I'll judge if I want to! lol jk) But seriously, we're feeling ourselves a bit much now, aren't we? And by "we," I mean Beyonce and Sasha. How presumptuous was it for us to assume that we should sing at the President's inauguration? Slow your roll, Bey Fierce! Let somebody else do something. Please? Your ambition is appreciated but I think it's safe to say you've had your turn.

And that's all I have to say about that...for now! I don't want the Beyonce fanatics to go all Sasha Fierce on me!

Oh! But the woman has a mean fashion sense though! I must give it to her there (her AND Solange)! As much as MTO (MediaTakeout.com, for those of you who don't know) rags on her (Solange), she makes fashion her own.

Speaking of making fashion your own, if I see one more woman wearing colored tights just 'to be different,' I'm going to scream!! Take the trend and personalize it! Everyone does not have the legs for tights and wearing all black does not justify a grown woman (I mean, 35+) in hot pink tights! C'mon! What is that about?

Okay, now I'm done!

The Phone

Look! I tried not to say anything but why must you answer that thing every time it rings? I understand that we are not exclusive and it's hard to ignore its constant vibrations but if she were that important, wouldn't she be here in my place? Yes, I said 'she.' I know it's a girl because your voices changes and you don't call names. I don't care about the sex of your callers though. Just hang up or take her to your favorite restaurant. Either way, you don't need me.

How 'bout this? I am an only child (well, sort of). I want my attention! So, put it down, step away, and pay up!

Accepta-phobia

As I was sitting in the big chair staring at the plaques and degrees on the wall, I realized I was doing it again. This is a pattern. It's no different from me telling everyone I wanted to major in Biology and become a doctor when I graduated from high school because it was the acceptable thing. It is just like the way I agreed to play for the church because it would have been unacceptable to decline. I always find myself making the acceptable decision only to later regret it--only in my head, of course, I would never let on that I am displeased with the acceptable. I like to pride myself on being honest and genuine but, here I am, lying to myself. If I try the acceptable and it doesn't work out, it's 'Oh. It wasn't your fault. Try harder.' But if I gamble on the not-so-acceptable and it blows up in my face, it's 'I told you that wasn't gonna work. You had no business trying that foolishness anyway. What are you gonna do now?!'

And that's a good question. What am I gonna do now? The beauty of mistakes is the lessons we learn from them, right? So, what have I learned? I have made this mistake before. Do I value acceptance more than my happiness? When those closest to (and around) me are not happy, it is hard for me to be happy but on the other hand, no one seems to notice my unhappiness. So. I'll pose the question again.

What am I gonna do now?

Live In Concert

After Maxwell's performance last night, my simple reality just is not enough. I didn't realize that was humanly possible. I was so engrossed in his performance at one point, I think I almost fainted. I know I sound like a groupie right now but I'll be that. The man is a beast! He puts all these other "artists" to shame. His range is ridiculous and his showmanship is out of this world! He did everything from splits, kicks, and spins to hump the stage. He dropped to his knees and put his falsetto to work. He came down off the stage (less than two feet from me) and I almost lost my mind. My brain was telling my feet to move but I was frozen. There's no telling what I would've done had I made contact. It just doesn't make any sense for one man to exude that much sensuality, masculinity, charisma, and just plain sex. In the same breath, it is more than just sex appeal. He appeals to your psyche.

He just made it that much harder for a man to attain my attention. I feel for the next guy that tries to approach me because I now, know for a fact that the man of my dreams does exist. I am not saying that Maxwell is the man of my dreams but a man like him would suffice. I'm sure he has his personality flaws just as the rest of us do but his on stage persona embodies everything I wish my man would be. I'd already promised myself I wouldn't settle for anything less than the man I felt was designed perfectly for me. But now I am sure that it is possible. There is a man designed in perfection just for me.

...And his name is Maxwell...lol I'm only kidding but wouldn't it be nice?

(Grumpy) Working Girl

K. So, I didn't get the new office space as was proposed. Instead, the server (that sat on my so-called desk that's really just a card table) will be moved to the storage closest and replaced with a new computer. Here, I can do all my grunt work free from the annoying inconvenience resulting from having to share a computer with my boss (who we will kindly call "Diddy"). I will no longer have to double dutch and engage in surprise attacks when he's not at his desk but don't jump for joy just yet. In lieu of my new arrangements, I will be required to sit at my fantastic desk, oops, I mean, card table (...wishful thinking) that is too high for the low chair that usually sits in front of Diddy's desk and work while he looks over my shoulder. I am so excited I can barely contain myself. And this comes on the heels of Diddy's partner's announcement that he feels I don't do enough for him. I so sincerely apologize. It is only because I am swomped with grunt work and Diddy's cheesecake that I have neglected your everso important needs. I will be there to make those copies for you ASAP!! I'll be there quicker than you can say, "Your Honor, I rest my case!"

Brother.

Your president is a man. Your president is a Black man. It is time we come out of the mentality that oppressors encourage. You can. Yes, we can. There is no measure of blackness. You do not have to be the image seen on the screen. Choose your words carefully and act responsibly. Pull up your pants and stand. It is time out for disgrace. We need our men in this place. Do not be afraid to be different. Believe in achievement. No one said it would be easy but difficulty does not spell impossibility.

Sister, take your man and be the solid rock upon which he can stand. We can not expect a man to be a man if we are not willing to let him be. Understand the importance of support. The balance of power and respect between a man and woman is a precious, fragile thing. Handle with care.

GA Peaches.

I am having a major attack right now. Every so often I experience these overwhelming feelings and no matter how hard I try, I cannot stop them from taking over me. I know you're probably wondering what the devil I'm talking about. I used to have a bad habit of leaving things open ended (like questions). The response could be just about anything and because of this, I have very little closure when it comes to my dealings with some of the guys I used to know. It's almost like small relapses. For the most part, I'm in recovery but every now and then something triggers a craving. And I could really use a Georgia Peach right now. Every time I see him, I relapse. I fall right back into place. It's like no time has passed. We're both well aware that things are different in our individual lives but it feels as though nothing has changed between us. I want to circle back so bad but I keep reminding myself that there is a reason he is black history. But...when I see him, none of that matters. I just want to be with him. I just miss him--period.

Somebody help me! I'm going through withdrawals. (Or at least this is what I'd imagine them to feel like.)

Blessed By The Marvelous Work (of God)

Today's Sunday School lesson hit home for me. There were so many points and ideas in the text that made something kick up in my spirit. Because I am so full, I am compelled to share. The lesson is entitled "Using Your Gifts" and it is taken from Ephesians 4:1-16. (Just in case you don't have a bible nearby or simply don't have one at all, I'll provide the text.)

Eph. 4:1-16

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekiness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ya are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Wherefore he saith, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men. (Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.) And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of teh stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.