Monday, December 22, 2008

The Romanticism of Politics

I came across the video on The Young, Black, and Fabulous ( I don't usually bring up politics and in no way am I trying to now but I believe in love and this video made my heart dance. (Plus, this is my favorite song on Musiq Soulchild's album "On My Radio.")

God is Love. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

I so don’t belong here. I’m supposed to be where the big city lights are singing and dancing (in the streets), living in a loft, and writing for BlackBook, Vibe, Vogue, Essence, and myself! All kinds of clip ideas run through my head--so many that I lose them to forgetfulness before I can write them down. I should have a laptop nearby at all times or at least a pen and paper. But I’m stuck putting in work for others and trying to figure out how I’m going to get out of paying these loans (feeling claustrophobic, too). Can’t breathe between these walls and there are no windows in the office. Clutter is everywhere. I just want open space, a desk, a computer, and hardwood floors. Well, I would need internet access of course. What good is a computer without it?
Like a mouse in a maze, how do I get outta here, dammit! I’ll take that cheese though! (Hey, a girl’s gotta live.) I have a mean shoe habit to support and these bills don’t pay themselves! But I sure wish they would. And while I’m wishing, how’s about money growing on trees? That would be nice-- life amidst the forest of money trees. But if it’s not one thing, it’s another. So, I suppose I’d just find something else to moan about. Maybe it’s just the Virgo in me but what if I don’t believe in astrology?
I know I’m going to be great. I just don’t know how. Is it possible to be more than that in more than one way? I used to think music was my venue but it now reminds me of an ex husband with whom I have children and am bound for life. I feel like a divorcee’ and have never been married (or even in a serious relationship for that matter). I was once in love until one day, I looked around and realized that I was there alone. But that’s a horse of a different color (as my mother would say). Speaking of things my mother said, I will have what is meant for me and that really makes me wonder…if I ever gave a f*** about you! Give me something to believe in ’cause I don’t believe it’s true anymore. (Shoutout to Maroon 5; Those were lyrics just in case you didn‘t get it.) Okay. Disregard everything post ellipses. But seriously, I wonder what is for me?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

There Was The One

...There was the one that made me feel like nothing else mattered. There was the one who made sleep easy. There was the one who made it impossible to stay mad. And there was the one. He was the one.
...He was the one my mother loved. He was the one who loved me unconditionally. He was the one who waited for me. He was the one who taught me. He was the encouraging one. He encouraged me to believe in me.
...I left him. I was too blind to see. He was the one. Stupid me.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Just Because I'm a Lover...

...don't mean I'm not a fighter. For those of you that may have a problem with my blatant disregard for the King's English and every rule of grammar there is (most of which I probably don't even know), let me rephrase that. (Note about the author: I have a Bachelor's degree in Finance, not English.) The fact that I am a lover does not necessarily indicate that I am not a fighter as well. (Better?) The truth is, I was extremely bored at "work," I just got a scanner, and I'm alone in the office.So. I decided to doodle (or sketch) a little and this phrase was the one that came to mind at the moment, "Just because I'm a lover don't mean I'm not a fighter." (I hope I didn't offend any true artists with my obviously amateur drawing.) I, for whatever reason, thought this was a necessary post because...well, IDK! WTF? SMH. OMG! (I apologize if you are reading this with intent.) As I stated before, I "was" and still am bored at work and in the office alone playing with the scanner. (That is so professional, I know.) But if one were to take the sound of my fingers stroking the keyboard as any indication of my productivity, one might actually think I was very busy. (hehe)

It's about that time! (Quitting time is what I'm referring to just in case you were wondering.) This just may be the longest few minutes of my life so, let the countdown begin!

Monday, December 1, 2008

I Have No Idea What Happened After That

It's Friday. I'm sitting in my parked car under the veil of night's darkness watching the raindrops join the river water. Thoughts overwhelm me as I try to distract myself by singing but the song's lyrics only trigger a descend into deeper thought. People come and go all around me (mostly cars packed with young girls parking while they go off with their boyfriends to do who knows what) but after a while, all I hear is the mid tempo taps of the rain off the car's windshield. I don't think I'm even singing anymore. I'm absent and lost in thought...until my phone rings.

I don't really feel like speaking but I manage to say, Hello?

...No response. I listen a little while longer then repeat, Mm. Hello?

It's him. What up?

I grimaced. I hate when you say that.

What's wrong? Why do you sound so down? I smiled on the inside but it didn't translate to my face.

Nothing. I lied. I just didn't want to share. I planned to avoid acknowledgment as long as I could. I was mad at him but I couldn't bare telling him because it seemed so silly.

You don't have any reason to be sad. Where are you? He was always so sincere. (That's why I loved him.)

At the park. I still didn't feel much like talking but for him, I'd try.

At the park?! He repeated as if I hadn't spoken the King's English. What are you doing at the park?

Nothing. I paused. Thinking.

Thinking about what? I knew he would say that so, I fixed my mouth to lie again.

Nothing. (This response was rapidly growing old and I could hear the aggravation in his voice.)

He started to pose another question but instead said, I'll be there in a minute.

I couldn't help myself. The tears rolled down my face just as soon as I hung up the phone. I didn't want him to see me crying so I tried to wipe them away but for every one I swiped, two more fell in its place. Just as the well ran dry, I looked over my shoulder and he stood there in the rain. I unlocked the door and he got in. Neither of us spoke. I rose from my slumped position, met his embrace, and I have no idea what happened after that.