Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Can you keep a secret?

I used to think I'd go crazy without the gift but now it seems like I'm going crazy because of the gift. I played today but it just didn't feel the same and I don't know what to do with myself (or the gift, now). I used to play because it simply felt so good. It didn't matter what the circumstances may have been. I played. Now I play when I have to and that's it. I even try to avoid playing actually! I never thought it would be me but that's me. I don't even mention my gift most of the time (obviously aside from the times I've mentioned it on this blog). When I do talk about it, I speak of it in past tense or refer to it in the same way one would an afterthought.
As selfish (or silly) as this might sound, I feel like it used to be "my little thing." No one knew how special it was to me. I couldn't walk by a piano without at least touching it (literally, no exaggeration). I used to love the instrument. I'd put in my favorite CD and play along. I seamlessly went from one tune to the next. I'd play for hours if uninterrupted. That is, until the word got out...
So. Now, I sing when I'm alone and think no one's listening. But shhhhh!! Don't tell anybody!