Monday, October 6, 2008

Heavy...Had to Get It Out

I'm so flustered the words won't come out. No one understands but I can't clarify. Even I don't get it. He asked me why I sound so down, I had no explanation, and I didn't even realize I sounded that way. I go through this EVERY week. This is not healthy. Could the timing have been any worse? I was just beginning to accept what life had become. Why can't I focus? Distractions, distractions, distractions. This makes no sense. I just want to disappear for a second--tie up the nikes and run. I just want to go away. This is the first time I've ever actually wished I had no musical inclination. I resent the gift. (I feel so ungrateful for saying that but...) I feel like I've been mollywhopped with a brick. I didn't even see it coming. I just wanted to play-- nothing more, nothing less. I'm not even sure I want to do that anymore. It's never enough. If I do this, I'll have to do that and that leads to more of this. This cause effects me negatively. Everytime. I let the devil steal my joy. It used to be such joy. It was my hiding place but I've been exposed. I HATE ROLLERCOASTERS. I don't want to ride. I want off!!!

6 comments:

jwriter said...

I HATE ROLLERCOASTERS AS WELL. Especially the emotionally unexplainable ones. What can we do? What can we do but write? Jesus help us!!! Thanks for sharing this.

2sense said...

You're welcome. This blog is a life-saver.

Amy said...

I hate roller coasters figuratively and literally! You're a beautiful writer.

Fre Speech said...

I wish I had some advice for you but I don't :( as we have already established. But I do think that maybe you just have to speak your mind...let them know that this is NOT what you signed up for!

Nicole said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicole said...

Amy: Lol, I know what you mean about those rollercoasters. They can be a scary thing. I have to be in a particularly adventurous mood to ride one myself. You should become a follower and tell your friends about me! There's much more "beautiful" writing where that came from. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I really appreciate your feedback!!

Fre: I'm sure you're right. I just have to find a respectful way to express myself because I tend to be a little out of order when I'm upset. Thank you, too!!