Daydreams About When...

So. I was thinking. (I do that from time to time.) I posed a question to myself. What are YOU going to do with this life? I always feel like what I'm doing (and have done) is not enough. I want to do a lot of things but those that could provide the funds to support the habits I've developed and the life I want to live include writing, playing (any one of the several instruments I play with the saxophone being preferred), and practicing law. I am studying for the LSAT and the next test date is in December. I haven't started all of my law school applications. I don't know why. (Procrastination is a beast!) I don't practice much on any of my intstruments because it gets me down. I know that doesn't make much sense at first glance but only one who truly understands how much I've loved music and playing would understand. If music were my guy, I'd say we've been through the wire. We've given up and try-tried again (repeatedly). He just won't do me right! But I can't let him go! So, I don't practice because it reminds me of the good times (and it hurts) but I love him (more than anything else)! Even listening to this jazz now supports my theory. Its kind of like I hear our song every time I turn on the radio but I just can't fight the knee-jerk tendency to turn it up. So, I torture myself with thoughts of what could have and would have...been given up on...the thought of just being a musician. In all honesty and fairness to what is true, all I've ever really desired in life is music. I could play all day, listen all day, and be a musician everyday. ...In my dreams... I wonder if I'm alone in this. Of all the things I have, there is only one I'd trade them for. Freedom and expression. No one can tell me how to play my horn and sing my song. That's why I sing when I think no one's listening and play when I'm home alone.

Listening to: "People That I Love" John Ellis (composer)

Because I wonder, I'll pose the question to you. What are you going to do with this life?