Victoria

Can you keep a secret?

I used to think I'd go crazy without the gift but now it seems like I'm going crazy because of the gift. I played today but it just didn't feel the same and I don't know what to do with myself (or the gift, now). I used to play because it simply felt so good. It didn't matter what the circumstances may have been. I played. Now I play when I have to and that's it. I even try to avoid playing actually! I never thought it would be me but that's me. I don't even mention my gift most of the time (obviously aside from the times I've mentioned it on this blog). When I do talk about it, I speak of it in past tense or refer to it in the same way one would an afterthought.

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As selfish (or silly) as this might sound, I feel like it used to be "my little thing." No one knew how special it was to me. I couldn't walk by a piano without at least touching it (literally, no exaggeration). I used to love the instrument. I'd put in my favorite CD and play along. I seamlessly went from one tune to the next. I'd play for hours if uninterrupted. That is, until the word got out...

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So. Now, I sing when I'm alone and think no one's listening. But shhhhh!! Don't tell anybody!

The "Fighting" Temptations

I'm singin' again...Papa was a rolling stone. (Whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp) Where ever he laid his hat was his home. And when he died, all he left us was alone.

My papa isn't dead. He's alive and I won't say well, but he's alive and not sick. It's kind of sad that these lines remind me of my dad (whom aside from the little bit of resentment I harbor, I love dearly...I think). I, like what now seems to be the majority of us, have divorced parents and a slew (that's the word of the day, i suppose) of half-brothers and sisters. In actuality, I have one half-sister and five half-brothers. I often wonder why this is. Why couldn't my dad choose one and be happy? Was it him, her, or a combination of both? I know why my parents split (or at least my mother's side of the story) but what about the others? What is this epidemic sweeping the nation? Maybe I'll come back to that later....

I'm not sure I blame either of them but it is very unfair to me.

I don't know my siblings and I miss my daddy!