The Phone

Look! I tried not to say anything but why must you answer that thing every time it rings? I understand that we are not exclusive and it's hard to ignore its constant vibrations but if she were that important, wouldn't she be here in my place? Yes, I said 'she.' I know it's a girl because your voices changes and you don't call names. I don't care about the sex of your callers though. Just hang up or take her to your favorite restaurant. Either way, you don't need me.

How 'bout this? I am an only child (well, sort of). I want my attention! So, put it down, step away, and pay up!

(Grumpy) Working Girl

K. So, I didn't get the new office space as was proposed. Instead, the server (that sat on my so-called desk that's really just a card table) will be moved to the storage closest and replaced with a new computer. Here, I can do all my grunt work free from the annoying inconvenience resulting from having to share a computer with my boss (who we will kindly call "Diddy"). I will no longer have to double dutch and engage in surprise attacks when he's not at his desk but don't jump for joy just yet. In lieu of my new arrangements, I will be required to sit at my fantastic desk, oops, I mean, card table (...wishful thinking) that is too high for the low chair that usually sits in front of Diddy's desk and work while he looks over my shoulder. I am so excited I can barely contain myself. And this comes on the heels of Diddy's partner's announcement that he feels I don't do enough for him. I so sincerely apologize. It is only because I am swomped with grunt work and Diddy's cheesecake that I have neglected your everso important needs. I will be there to make those copies for you ASAP!! I'll be there quicker than you can say, "Your Honor, I rest my case!"